The mind doodles of Golgotha_tramp

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Tortured Artist?

So,

I'm feeling a little stumped on my old blog at present, I suppose you can tell due to the severe lack of updating. Believe me it's not that I don't want to, it's a can't.

I have an issue that when I'm really, really happy I lose what little skill I have. It's happened for years and has lead me to believe that I really should be A "tortured artist." I'm not saying if you stuck thumb screws on me I'd give you tales that took you to the Highs and Lows of emotion, or that if I was dunked into scolding hot water I would produce images of heaven so real you could cry. What I am saying is If I was a little more unhappy I could at least draw and think of something to write.

I know, I know, I'm really ungrateful, yes. I accept that being happy is consolation ten fold for a creative block, but I ask myself....is it really? I mean when I'm old and grey I want to look back and say "this is my work", "this was my passion" and though the pages may turn yellow and the colours fade they will be as vivid in my mind as the day I gave birth to them, these children of my mind, piece after piece of my life, my love, my hate, my sanity, my insanity, all folded away in a portfolio somewhere waiting to be re-hydrated with memory.

7 Comments:

At 10:46 PM, Blogger frankengirl said...

I'm so happy you're happy - :) Lives are meant to be "lived" after all, not just written about.

Then again, I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes, it’s hard just to accept happiness; not to question it. And when we question it - are we actually torturing ourselves a bit? Not allowing ourselves to fully happy? I think sometimes we long for everything all at once – happiness and creativity and excitement!

I know many believe one has to be tortured to create “real” art. I have no idea if this is true. But I think suffering is everywhere (natural disasters, wars, heartbreak) and so we don’t have to look very hard for it!!! Thus, when happiness shows up, maybe we ought to keep our door open to it?! - :)

btw, I loved your comment on Simmi’s blog.

 
At 5:41 PM, Blogger OutInLeftField said...

YOu're lucky that you are happy....and I am happy about that, lol ;) So many people aren't....and they don't necessarily lead the tourtured artist life.

I think happy or not, you can always take something from life...but when you're happy you just don't dwell on things as much as you do when you're not. It's easier to fall into a deeper funk when you're depressed than when you're riding high, don't yeah think?

I raise my glass to happiness, I hope everyone experiences it soon...and for a long time after that :)

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger UltimateWriter said...

when you're too happy, that's when you sit down to write childrens' stories.

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger Golgotha_Tramp said...

Oh God!

I that's the case then string me up! the day I start writing about sharing cake and Aunt Mitsy and her special lemonade I'll die!

I suppose I should be grateful for a moment of clear sailing, but I do still keep my life jacket on! Life should be lived that is true, but when you feel that all you'll leave behind is your "art" (I use the word very loosely when it comes to my scribbles) then the little pangs of guilt hit. I feel guilty for not sitting down and writing, my Bureau is dusty and unloved and I hurry past it like a beggar on the street convincing myself if I don't see it, it's not there.

But spring is here and the days are getting longer, maybe I will turn a corner and write when I'm happy.

Happy thought indeed!

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger frankengirl said...

"the day I start writing about sharing cake and Aunt Mitsy and her special lemonade I'll die!"

Lol!

"my Bureau is dusty and unloved and I hurry past it like a beggar on the street convincing myself if I don't see it, it's not there."

Ah, see, that’s very poetic! - ;)

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Golgotha_Tramp said...

Ah, see, that’s very poetic! - ;)

Yeah I threw that one in for show, it's a literary peck flex.

 
At 4:02 AM, Blogger Charlie said...

. . . but when you feel that all you'll leave behind is your "art" (I use the word very loosely when it comes to my scribbles). . .

Writing as legacy, the memory of one's soul. That is precisely why I "scribble". Art does not have to be polished perfectionism, it only need touch another human soul.

I have read several of your writings tonight, and to me you are an artist.

 

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